How To Master & Use The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People (Part 3)

So far in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Series, we have looked at how to always be Proactive. In Part 2, we looked at why we need to always begin with the end in mind. Establish what is important in our lives so we can put first things first. We also looked at how we can relate to others and always aim for win/win scenarios in our dealings.

In the final part of these series, we look at mastering Habit 5 which is Seek First to Understand then be understood. We also look at Habit 6 which essentially says the whole will always be greater than the sum of its parts. This in effect means when you learn to value the differences in people you have the opportunity to create synergy. Finally, we look at Habit 7 which is founded on the premise that the greatest asset you have is yourself, therefore, you need to constantly Sharpen your Saw.

Habit #5 Seek First To Understand Then Be Understood

Mastering this Habit requires a shift in your paradigm of communicating. Although most people can communicate effectively most times, we all need to learn more about listening effectively. In most cases, people tend to listen not with the intent to understand but with the intention of replying.

According to Covey, there are stages of listening. Some people stop at the first stage which is pretending to be listening. Others, however, move onto stage two which is selective listening. This is where someone is only hearing parts of the conversation. Another stage is attentive listening where we pay attention and focus our energy on the words being said.

The highest level of listening, however, is empathic listening. This is where you listen with the intent to understand. It is where you get into another person’s frame of reference. You choose to see the world the way they are seeing it. Although you may not agree with what they are saying, you, however, understand them at their emotional and intellectual level.

Covey asserts that experts state that 10% of your communication is the words you use. 30% is represented by your sounds while 60% is your body language. With empathic listening, you not only listen with your ears but with your eyes and heart as well.

4 Steps To Master Empathetic Listening

Mimic Content

This is where you listen to the words that come out of someone’s mouth and you repeat them. Although sometimes this can be irritating to the other party and may even cause them to close up. As you push through with this, the other person will begin to feel you have heard what they said.

Rephrase the Content

After you have mimicked the other person\’s content, you need to give meaning to what has been said using your own words.

Reflect Feeling

As you speak, ensure that you show the other person that you feel what they may be going through.

You rephrase the content and reflect the feeling

The final step is where you ensure the other person not only feels understood but also that you empathize with what they maybe going through. Covey calls this giving the other person psychological air. In essence, you begin to help the person to work through their thoughts and feelings. When this happens, the person communicating begins to trust you and will open up more.

As you incorporate empathetic listening in your encounters with other people. You help the other person to understand their problem and get to the solution at their own pace and time. Remember, it is very crucial for the other party to sense your deepest desire to understand what they are saying.

Habit #6 Synergize

This habit is built on the principle of creative cooperation which espouses that we all have both strengths and weaknesses. To be effective, we need to capitalize on our strengths and let other people help us where we are weak.

As you master the Habit of synergizing, you begin to create a new script for your life. This script will require that you look for opportunities where you can serve and contribute to the common good of others. The more you practice this, you will notice that you become more trusting, loving, caring and less possessive and judgmental. Your communications will be more effective as you open your mind and heart to new possibilities and alternatives. As you do this, you are able to value the differences that may exist between you and those you relate to and come up with third alternatives.

Third alternatives take into consideration what each party wants and aim at win/win situations which is better than what you each wanted. Covey sums it best by saying \”the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. It is one plus one equals three\”.

Covey succinctly points out that, when you introduce synergy, you are able to use the motive of win/win. The skill of empathetic listening and the interaction of the third alternative. As a result, you are able to work directly on any restraining forces that may be at play. The result is usually a better alternative to what each of you wanted.

Habit # 7 Sharpen The Saw

This is the habit that makes all the other habits possible. It is all about preserving and enhancing your greatest asset which is you. As human beings, we have got four dimensions and in order for us to be effective, all of them have to be in sync.

The Physical Dimension relates to the body. We can renew our bodies through exercise, proper nutrition and managing our stress. The Social Dimension governs how we relate with other human beings. We can strengthen this dimension through acts of service, always being empathetic and looking for third alternatives. The Spiritual Dimension deals with matters of the soul. It requires that in order to be effective, you need to have a solid foundation and anchor from which you draw your principles and values. The final dimension is the Mental Dimension, it relates to the mind. We can renew this dimension through reading widely, journaling as well as visualizing and planning.

Taking time to sharpen your saw is a Quadrant II activity which must be planned and acted on. [clickToTweet tweet=\”You need to always remember that you are the instrument of your own performance. In order to be effective, you need to make time to take care of yourself.\” quote=\”You need to always remember that you are the instrument of your own performance. In order to be effective, you need to make time to take care of yourself.\”]

Covey observes that the 7 Habits create optimum synergy among the four dimensions. As you renew any of the four dimensions, you are able to increase your ability to practice the Habits. He then points out thus \”the more proactive you are (Habit 1), the more effectively you can exercise personal leadership (Habit 2) and management of your life (Habit 3). As you effectively manage your life, the more Quadrant II renewing activities you can do (Habit 7).The more you seek first to understand (Habit 5), the more effectively you can go for synergetic win/win solutions (Habits 4 & 6) The more you improve in any of the habits that lead to independence (Habits 1, 2 & 3) the more effective you will be in interdependent situations (Habits 4, 5 & 6). And renewal (Habit 7) is the process of renewing all the Habits.\”

Finally,

When you take time to learn and practice empathic listening you will be giving others the psychological air they need. This will greatly improve your communication.  This is because Empathic listening tends to result in greater returns as you work from an accurate understanding of the problems and issues and from the high Emotional Bank Account that results when a person feels deeply understood. Similarly, always aim at synergy and look for third alternatives as you apply the principles of creative cooperation. This will require that you value differences and be willing to learn from others all the time. Lastly, none of the Habits can be enforced if you do not take time to sharpen your saw by continuously renewing yourself in the four dimensions of life.

I would love to know what has been your take away from this series. Please share in the comments section. Also please share this series Part 1 and Part 2 on the social media sites so that together we can become more effective people.