Well, it is official, we just completed the first month of the third decade of the 21st Century. Like most people, I like to set goals and have a word to guide me through the year. This year, I decided that to help me go through the 2020s, I will have a list of habits that I am either already implementing or will embrace to help me not only become a better person but to also bring other people along the journey to living our best lives this decade. Below I share the habits I am embracing for a successful decade.

 

#1. Start With Self Discovery

There has never been a better time to ask yourself the question who am I?. I believe it was Myles Munroe who said The greatest discovery in life is self-discovery. Until you find yourself, you will always be someone else”. Recently I listened to Oprah and T.D. Jakes on a podcast and they said something that stayed with me. They noted that \”people are tired today because they are so busy trying to be someone else\”.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is found in Ephesians 2:10 and it states, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”  For sure, each of us is a masterpiece of the Creator with a specific purpose to undertake here on earth. The journey of self-discovery is one we each have to take in order to arrive at the answers we are craving. When you know who you are and what you were created to do, you are able to thrive in life.

I am glad that I embraced this journey several years ago and have even written a book, The Expatriate Wife about it. Today I know who I am and what my life purpose is. This knowledge makes it easy for me to make decisions regarding what I want to do and who I want to have in my life.

Undertaking a self-discovery journey can be painful but today we have professional help in the form of coaches, psychologists, and even psychiatrists. In addition, it is also crucial that one has the right friends who believe in you, wish you the best and can help you become all you were created to be.

 

#2. Declutter Your Life

After you have done the work of self-discovery and have some concrete answers, I believe the next step is acceptance of who you are, letting go of the past and embracing your future. TD Jakes puts it this way \”step out of your history into your destiny\”. A cluttered life feels like you are being swallowed up by something you have no control over. Clutter steals your peace and robs you of the ability to live the fulfilled life Jesus Christ promised us in John 10:10.

Today, not only are our homes filled with things we do not know about and use, our offices are also covered with documents that we hope to one day get too. Clutter has also made its home in the gadgets we thought would simplify our lives and keep us connected to the world. We have millions of emails most of them unread and belong to groups that we are scared to leave because of what people will think of us.

Types of Clutter

I believe in order to live a clutter-free life, we need to be mindful of how it manifests in the first place. In addition to physical clutter, we can also have mental, emotional, relationship, digital and spiritual clutter.

Mental clutter consists of the words or statements that we have allowed to take over our lives. It is those negative statements that have been said over you that you continue to give real estate in your mind.

Emotional clutter, on the other hand, consists of things that cause us to live in fear and be anxious about the future. Emotional clutter keeps us in the past regretting what happened. It also drives us into the future worrying about what will happen. All of this robs us of the present moment. The words and thoughts we choose to say or have can also contribute to the emotional clutter in our lives.

Very, unfortunately, if we do not deal with emotional clutter, it often results in another form of clutter known as Spiritual clutter. It arises when we choose to hold onto our past or history and let it define who we are. Instead of forgiving ourselves and those who hurt us, we hold on to unforgiveness and forget that unless we forgive, those who hurt us, they will continue to cause us pain. The fact is although you may not be able to change what happened to you, you will always have control over how you let it affect your life in the future. Learn from those who have walked the path you are on and remember you are never alone.

Relationship clutter comes in the form of the relationships that weigh us down instead of lifting us up. It is those skewed relationships where you feel like you are always on the giving side. It is those \’friends\’ who purport to always bring you news about what is happening except that the news is often gossip and leaves you feeling drained instead of excited.

Digital clutter manifests in the manner in which we handle our emails, computers, and phones. We have allowed our computers to be filled with information that is never organized making it difficult for us to know what we have. Our emails are overflowing and rob us of our productivity. Instead of embracing systems that help us manage our emails effectively.

The most obvious form of clutter is physical clutter. We have allowed ourselves to be defined by what we own instead of being content with what we already have. We are so busy trying to look like everyone else we have failed to do the work and define what success means to us then live according to that definition. Physical clutter also causes many people to live in debt because they buy things they do not need with money they do not have.

When it comes to decluttering your life, it is never too late. However, the time to start the process is NOW.

 

#3. Live With An Open Mind

Without a doubt, the world as we knew it or expected it to be is no more. Every day we see and hear about something new. The key to surviving is to be open and learn from any opportunity that presents itself. From 5-year-olds who are doing wonders and making more money than their great grandparents ever made in their lifetime, it is all happening. One thing I have learnt over the years is to surround myself with people who are doing what I want to do or are where I want to go.

A few weeks ago I was invited by a friend to join a walking group of ladies who walk in the early morning hours. The group is called \”Walk For Wellness\”. Members are mostly distinguished women who have had or continue to have successful careers. Every morning I am able to almost achieve my daily goal of walking 10,000 steps. In addition, I go back home motivated and excited for the day. These women mostly in their sixties are doing what I want to do when I am their age. They sit on boards for companies, they are involved in activities in their communities where they are giving back. The way they talk about their spouses, children and grandchildren is inspiring.

Living life with an open mindset enables me to learn, unlearn and then relearn all the time. I have also embraced podcasts and subscribe to 10 podcasts at a time. These podcasters are my mentors even though they do not know it. Some of my favorite podcasts are:

Christy Wright\’s Business Boutique

Ruth Soukup\’s Do It Scared 

Oprah Winfrey\’s Super Soul Conversations

Natalie Bacon\’s Design Your Dream Life

Jeff Goin\’s The Portfolio Life

Given the fact that I limit myself to 10 podcasts at a time, when I want to add a new one then I have to let go of one. This allows me to limit the number of voices I am listening too. These people cut my learning time in half. From recommending what books to read to sharing the latest research. I am blessed to be learning at their feet.

 

#4. Take Charge Of Your Finances

It does not matter who you are or how much you make, each of us needs to have a healthy relationship with money. The only way we can do this is by creating an effective financial plan.

In today\’s world where jobs are shrinking, one needs to know how to ensure that what they make is put to good use and that they have savings for rainy days. John Maxwell\’s definition of a budget comes to mind here \”a budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it all goes\”. I have since added that \”budgeting is not just for people who do not have enough money. It is for everyone who wants to ensure that their money is enough\”.

Since embracing budgeting, I have found that it not only helps us to make the most of the resources we have been blessed with but it also makes us better givers.

 

#5. Get A Mentor(s)

I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said \”learn from the mistakes of others. You cannot live long enough to make them all yourself\”. In today\’s first paced world we need people who can hold our hands and help us avoid the mistakes they made.

During mentoring, the mentor who is usually a person experienced in a particular field acts as an adviser, counselor and nurtures the professional and personal life of the mentee who in most cases is less experienced. The mentee must take the lead in identifying the mentor and the issues on which the advice of the mentor are sought. I love mentoring because it is a win/win practice as both parties are able to learn from and influence the other to become a better person.

Today mentoring may take the form of masterminds where one is able to draw from the expertise of members of the group and also share their expertise.

I love being mentored and also mentoring other people especially women. First because to me it is an answer to a biblical call where older women are called upon to advise the younger women on their roles as wives and mothers as well as on their spiritual journey. Secondly, mentoring has helped me go where I would never have gone on my own.

 

#6. Achieve More By Doing Less

In his book Essentialism, Greg McKeown quotes Lin Yutang who correctly observed that \”the wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials\”. The question we all need to answer before eliminating the non-essentials is what are my essentials?

In order to achieve more by doing less, we all need to begin by determining what is most important to us? Habit 3 of Stephen Covey\’s 7 habits of highly effective people is \”put first things first\”. In order to do this, we each need to come up with our own definition of success and then live according to that definition.

Today we are stressed and tired because we have failed to guard our YES and confidently use the word NO without feeling bad about it. Before you commit yourself, you need to ask whether you can fulfill the request before you. Guard your YES and only use it when you know you have the means, resources, and margin to undertake what you are signing up for. Instead of FOMO (fear of missing out) have JOMO (joy of missing out) where you watch and rejoice with those who rejoice because they are living out their definition of success and you know what? so are you.

Allow yourself the ability to stop saying yes to everyone except yourself. This way, you will be able to make your highest contribution to the things that really matter to you.

 

#7. Live With Gratitude & Be A Giver

In Psalm 107:1-3 we discover that not only are we commanded to live with gratitude, we must also speak about it. This is so profound, we are commanded to show gratitude for God’s goodness and let others know about it.

I have discovered that people who live with gratitude tend to be happier and have less stress. This is mostly because they choose to focus on the blessings or what they have instead of what they do not have. Being grateful and saying so shifts the focus from what is not going well to what went well. You begin to notice the good health you have, the food in your home and so on. The fact that you even have a place to live or a job which ensures there is food on your table and the lights are on suddenly has meaning.

Gratitude is like a magnet, the more grateful you are, the more you will receive what to be grateful for.”

In addition to living with gratitude, I have learnt that indeed \”it is more blessed to give than to receive\”. I have many testimonies of how I have chosen to be a conduit for God\’s blessing and how much joy this has brought me.

 

#8. Focus On Healthy Living

Recently when I read where Oprah Winfrey said \”healthy living is the new skinny\” I could not agree more. We all know that as women in our 40\’s weight loss becomes an uphill task. In order to live a healthy life, I am focusing on what is going into my mouth instead of how many hours I spend in the gym. I have also embraced intermittent fasting and could not be happier.

I also believe that we should focus more on our general well being and try and limit stress. Without a doubt, the world as it is today is a high-stress zone. I am finding that when I put in place mechanisms that help me combat stress, I tend to feel good and healthy at the same time. Other things we can embrace for healthy living are prayer, meditation, good sleep habits and living in the present moment.

 

#9. Do Work That You Love

I recently read somewhere that 30% of the workforce in the USA is self-employed. Here in Africa, the number is also steadily rising. It is becoming easier for one to carve out a career or business for themselves based on their strengths.

In most cases when people complain about the stress it boils down to them doing work that they do not love. The solution I often offer is you either change the job or your attitude about the job until you get an alternative.

To be honest we spend so much of our day at work and if it is a place we do not love we are bound to suffer. In my view, the solution is to have a plan of how you will move out of what you do not like to what brings you joy and happiness and still puts food on the table.

 

#10. Find Your Life Anchor

We all know what an anchor is, they are usually made of metal and are used to catch the ocean floor (the seabed). I am learning that there are two main types of anchors: temporary ones and permanent ones. A permanent anchor is one that is not easily moved and can stand the test of time. Anchors be they permanent or temporary help keep us on the path of life. They provide strength when the storms of life come our way.

In my case, my temporary anchors are my family, friends, mentors, Pastors and so on. My Permanent anchor is Jesus Christ. \”In Him, I live, move and have my being\”. We read in Hebrews 13: 8 that \”Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever\”. If this does not spell permanency then I do not know what does. Life is bound to happen, spouses disappoint us or they die, Children grow up and leave us with an empty nest, friends abandon us when we need them the most. I find however that my faith and the relationship I have with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has carried me through several storms of life.

I, therefore, believe that we all need to find anchors both temporary and permanent who will help us navigate the detours on the journey of life.

 

Finally,

As we start the 2020\’s we need to remember that as stated above, we were each created to fulfill a specific purpose here on earth. As we fulfill that purpose, we will need guidance. Recently I called one of my Pastors and he shared a powerful message about Wisdom and Responsibility. He reminded me of the blank cheque that Solomon was given. You can read this story in 1 Kings 3: 4- 15. Solomon asked for Wisdom which God gave him and he also added what he did not ask for. Let us therefore seek wisdom because when we have it, the rest of what we desire will fall in place.

I would want to hear from you, what habits have you embraced to help you go through this third decade of the 21st Century?