Here we are at the end of May 2025, as I wave goodbye to this month where we celebrated the gift of motherhood, I do so with a grateful heart. Why you ask, because since 11th May I have desired to pen these five lessons that my mother’s perseverence taught me. For purposes of this post, my definition of perseverance is “choosing to take one more step forward, even when the path ahead feels impossible”.
In my view, when it comes to living life on this side of eternity, I believe perseverance is not about grand gestures. Instead it is about the every day moments we go through when we choose to go on despite the challenges that life brings. My mother Irene Joy Masibo Nasaba using her quiet strength and in born wisdom taught me and my siblings many life lessons that we continue to use and get commendable results. It was a few years ago when I did what Iyanla Vanzant asks us to do which is to ensure that by the time we are twenty one (21) we know the stories of our parents. You can listen to her interview HERE.
By God’s grace both my parents are still alive and are in their mid seventies. Several years ago, I called to wish them a happy anniversary on 14th December, my father unsolicitedly shared their story. It is a simple but powerful one, my mother conceived my sister while she was in school and later got married to her first love. She would later face challenge after challenge in her marriage of now fifty years to see her dream of her children get the education she was not able to get. Suddenly it made sense why she loves displaying our graduation photos which she proudly refers to as “my degrees”.
I wish I would tell you that the day she woke up to celebrate their golden anniversary was easy. Instead, mummy came downstairs and said to me that she was feeling low. She stated that all that was coming to memory were the tough times of the fifty years. I immediately put on my Coaching hat and asked her to play uplifting music. Which I believe she did as she cleaned her room the morning of 14th December 2024. I know, this because when she later emerged and I did the jubilee sound this is the image that was captured.
I have written extensively about my beloved parents in my book The Expatriate Wife: Did Relinquishing My Career Mean Losing My Identity? You can grab a kindle version of this book on Amazon HERE.
In this post, allow me to share these five lessons which I observed most of the time and also heard my mother teach us and the many people who came to visit our home.
The first lesson that mummy continues to teach me through perseverance is that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Whenever we travel back home and visit with my parents, am amazed that mummy still lays out a full buffet for dinner. Growing up, whether it was us going upcountry to our villiage which is in Sironko District in Eastern Uganda, or it was dealing with people who came to visit us at home, mummy always ensured that she had something to share. As young children we looked forward to the trips we took to visit our grandparents. My maternal grand mother Kuku Nabukwasi who in one way or another laid the foundation for the work I now do as a leadership and transformational coach always had the best roasted groundnuts and a cup of tea waiting. After playing for a while, she spread out the most sumptuous lunch. Me and my siblings especially our first born who we fondly refer to as big bro took time to tease her about whether she had indeed not tasted the chicken stew since it had just the right amount of flavour. She always laughed and said in our local language which is Lugisu “these children of Irene are really funny”. The words of Maya Angelou come to mind here “I have learned that you should not go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back”. Today as I listened to Apostle Joshua Selman describe the difference between a nominal christian who is only concerned about themselves and their immediate family and an apostolic christian who loves God more than their personal ambitions and the blessings God gives, it reminded me of my mother.
Thank you Mummy for continuing to teach me that giving is far better than receiving. When I asked mummy how she wants to be remembered she said she did not know. I asked the question another way, asking how she remembers her mother. Her answer was simple but powerful she said “everything I am is because of her”.
When I reflect on how I want to be remembered, it is my desire that I exemplify this lesson and be a person who always gives more than I receive. Mummy’s shoes are big to fit into but I am determined not to drop the burton and I am doing my best to pass it to our daugther Esther-Joy.
The second lesson my mother is teaching me through perserverance is that it is important to place value on yourself. When I joined the Maxwell Certified Leadership Team, and our mentor John C. Maxwell taught us that “we are people of value who value people and add value to people”. This reminded me of my mother and how she preaches that before I can add value to others, I must first value myself. According to her, loving yourself manifests in different ways and one of them is having what my friend Grace Chirwa refers to as a Signature Look. My mother taught me and my sisters that for us to always look presentable, we must learn to dress for the body God gave us. I am reminded of a quote that says “be yourself everyone else is taken”. Again it was Maya Angelou who eloqently stated that “if you do not like something, change it, If you cannot change it, change your attitude”. I continue to allow these quotes and my mother’s lesson to guide me as I grow and embrace how God created me and the changes that occur to my body as I advance in age.
The third lesson that my mother taught me is to work with what I have. After mummy left school, prematurely, her mother Kuku Nabukwasi was supportive and sent her back to school where she did a a secretarial course. After this, my father a young lawyer building his career as a prosecutor got her a job in the High Court of Uganda. She would then advance into the corporate world and work as a clerk in the defunct Uganda Commercial Bank. This job exposed her to the evils of debt. Space will not allow me to share the stories we were told about how debt is not good. She watched how interest swallowed up the loans people had taken until their properties which they had given as security were eventually sold. I believe it is what she based on to decide that we move into what is now their matrimonial home in Muyenga when it was just a shell as oppossed to Daddy getting into debt when he had to take early retirement from his job as the Director of the Law Development Centre. As a young lawyer this took a toll on me. However, today this lesson holds true and one of the values my husband Benjamin put in place for me and our children is “we live simply but think big”. My business also adopted contentment as one of the three pillars it leans on. My definition of contentment is “the ability to recognise and accept that what we have is enough”.
The fourth lesson my mother taught me is always be prepared. It was the late Coach Wooden who declared that “when opportunity comes, it is too late to prepare”. My mother made it her business to teach me and my siblings how to prepare for life. We learnt how to cook and clean. In addition, mummy taught us how to walk with confidence. She actually demonstrated it for us. The lesson of preparation also came in when she shared about home management. Many times daddy came home with his friends and bodly announced “Irene will make us something to eat”. At this point, mummy went into the kitchen mixed things and emerged with food. Words cannot describe the pride my father had during these times. Today I wish she had written down some of these recipes.
The final lesson my mother continues to teach me is to always celebrate others. I like this quote by James Keller “a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle”. From my mother’s actions, I learnt that when one is genuinely happy for other people’s success, their own success comes easier. I am also guided by the words of Maya Angelou “try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud”. When I went through my self discovery journey it was the words of my mother that guided me as I clearly saw that I have a gift of encouraging others.
As I land this plane, what I know for sure is that as mother’s we partner with God to bring about life. In addition, I believe we are also responsible for how those we birth and nurture turn out.
The words of Iyanla Vanzant in the interview I referred to above stay with me. “If we want our children to be master pieces, we need to be mindful of how we show up as masters that they can imitate”. In view of this, I believe that it is safe to conclude that we need to do the work required to become mother’s who pass on lessons that will enable others to leave legacies that last forever.