Apparently, most fights in marriage arise from misunderstandings about money. It does not come as a surprise, therefore, that money is one of the topics tackled during marriage counseling. In spite of this though, most couples still go ahead and keep it on the back burner until things get out of hand.
Have you ever committed financial infidelity?
Listening to Financial expert Rachel Cruze I heard for the first time the term \”Financial Infidelity\”. This type of infidelity occurs when one spouse intentionally hides an account or a purchase from the other spouse. Whereas I have not hidden an account from my spouse I am embarrassed to admit that I have on some occasions kept a purchase from him.
Apparently, couples that have never committed financial infidelity are the ones that have a healthy relationship with money. The rest of us may be said to have a moderately healthy relationship with money. However, there are those whose relationships are toxic and are screaming for attention. These are the ones who never even talk about money in their relationship. None of the parties know how much the other party makes or what they spend their money on.
Below, I share some things couples can do to begin the journey to having a healthy relationship with money.
Openly have Communications About Money
Let us face it talking about finances can get a little emotional depending on what relationship you have with money. However, we need to remember that money is a medium of exchange that should help us live comfortably. In order for this to happen, spouses need to know how much the other party is putting on the table. Yes, this also applies to the spouse that makes other contributions in the home that are not financially related. You need to know how much money your spouse brings home.
I have heard of cases where a spouse dies without leaving a will and the surviving spouse has no idea where to start looking for the deceased\’s assets. I have also heard of spouses who get into trouble and they place the blame on their spouses\’ spending habits. The spouse being blamed meanwhile argues they were led to believe they could afford such a lifestyle. All this can be avoided if couples could openly talk about money. In addition, being on the same page about money also ensures that everyone keeps within the confines of the amount available for spending.
Agree On A Financial Plan
A financial plan is simply one that helps your family set out the financial goals you have. It also details how you will use the finances available to achieve those goals. Financial goals can be short-term like buying groceries or medium- term like paying rent or the mortgage or long-term like saving for the children\’s education. What is important is that you have a discussion on these issues and have a plan for them in place.
In our case, when we first got married, we discussed what each of us was making. We then agreed on what contribution we would each make to the joint family account. Any extra money that was earned outside the salary went straight into the family account as savings for investments. We also assigned roles of who would be responsible for making what purchases in the home. This arrangement worked perfectly until we became a one income family. Now everything goes into a pool before it is distributed this so far is also working well for us.
Have A Monthly Budget
After the financial plan, you need a budget which acts as the road map to get you to your plan. John Maxwell correctly defined a budget as \”telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it all went\”. A good system for budgeting is to ensure that you are both involved in the process and agree on how available finances will be distributed.
A budget can be as detailed or as simple as you wish. In my view, the simpler the better and that is why I use this monthly budget sheet It is imperative to remember that budgeting is an exercise that you grow into. Therefore when you start budgeting, give it at least three (3) months before it becomes a habit.
Take Into Consideration Your Spouse\’s Situation
In my humble view, in order to avoid money fights, you need to keep in mind your spouses\’ unique situation. For example, in Africa, we are a collective society meaning it is common for one to have a string of dependants who may include siblings and sometimes parents. If your spouse has this responsibility you need to accept it as being the responsibility of the family as well. As you plan for your finances take these responsibilities into consideration.
Similarly, if one spouse is working outside the home while the other spouse works at home, this should be taken into consideration. The contribution made by the spouse not bringing in income should not be undervalued.
Finally,
It is important to keep in mind that if you want to have a relatively healthy relationship with money in your marriage, you should allow each spouse to have what we call discretionary income. Other people call it an allowance or spending money whatever name you call it does not matter. What matters is that each spouse has an amount which they can use for personal needs and wants without providing an explanation to the other. When I started this blog and needed to pay for certain services I heavily relied on this money. You can imagine the arguments that would have ensued each time I asked for money to spend on a venture that was not generating money.
It is also good to remember that two is better than one. When you combine income as a couple you are able to scale bigger walls together than you would have done alone. What you need is to have parameters that can enable you to handle your finances jointly. In my personal view, “when it comes to finances, neither of the spouses should play a passive role everyone needs to be on the same page.“when it comes to finances, neither of the spouses should play a passive role everyone needs to be on the same page.”
I would like to know what is the state of your relationship with money in your marriage are you on the healthy spectrum? Please share in the comments section.