When I looked up the definition of identity on google, this is what came up.

\”The definition of identity is who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you\”

Another definition was:

\”In psychology, identity is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person (self identity) or group (particular social category or social group). A psychological identity relates to self image (one\’s mental model of oneself), self esteem and individuality.\”

Before we dig into these two definitions to answer the question what is your identity? let me give you a brief history of how I came to ponder this question.

The Book

In my book, The Expatriate Wife: Did Relinquishing My Career Mean Losing My Identity? I delve into the sensitive subject of identity using the expatriate wife as a backdrop.

Unlike many ten-year-olds, I knew what career I wanted to get into when I became of age. My journey was not smooth but I made it and was even able to practice my cherished profession as an Advocate of the High Court in Uganda and all Courts subordinate thereto. This was until I made the decision to keep our then young family together and relocate when my husband got an international posting.

Life as an expatriate wife comes with its high and low moments. My lowest moment was that I was not able to practice my beloved profession. Our arguments as a couple often started and ended with the same phrase \”because I am not working\”. One day, however, after I uttered the phrase Benjamin said to me \”Rosette I did not know that your career was your identity?\”. These words hurt so much perhaps because they were the truth.

I started my self-discovery journey in early 2009 having relocated in June of 2008. My purpose was to answer the question who is Rosette without her legal career? I read a lot on this journey and I recall the journal entry I made on 22/04/2009. This was after reading Francine Rivers\’s Book The Scarlet Thread, I wrote

\”After reading this book Lord I have and still I am shedding tears. I have been selfish, stubborn, stiff necked and all \’knowing\’. Forgive me Lord and thank you for loving me and being patient with me. In spite of my sins Lord you have loved me, blessed me and shown yourself strong. I finally realise that everything that has happened to me is through your will Lord. Finally Jesus I surrender, I let go and ask that you take control of my entire life, my soul, my husband and our children\”.

It would take me another five years until I finally got comfortable with the fact that even though I could not be identified as a lawyer, I had a purpose to live and could make an impact using the skills, talents, and experiences I had.

The Definitions

Now back to our definitions. I like the first definition and agreed until it brought in the aspect of our identity being about what people think of us. I beg to disagree here and I will share my reasons in a minute.

Often when people are asked the question who are you? depending on what one has been taught and the culture they belong too, responses vary. To some people, it is in the culture they belong too, others define themselves by the name they carry. In other cases, people turn to the positions they hold or the career they practice. I have also met people who dread the question because it reminds them of what they believe they do not have. However, I like what Steadman Graham writes in his book Identity Your Passport To Success. He says:

\”It matters not how other people define you, it matters how you define yourself\”.

You see when you base your identity on the way you are viewed by the world, you are bound to find yourself in problems. Time and time again we have seen the world put people on pedestals only for it to turn around and remove the ladder that helped them get up.

It is, therefore, my humble view that it is we who hold the keys to the descriptions we allow or put on ourselves. Like Iyanla Vanzant likes to say,

\”Stop chasing things that are beneath the truth of who you are. You matter.\” 

I like the psychological definition of identity and how it brings in aspects of self-identity and self-esteem. I think it was Deepak Chopra who said we ought to always draw a distinction between self-image and our inner self. To him, self-image has to do with what other people think of us. In most cases, we have no control over this. Inner self, on the other hand, has to do with how we think of ourselves. It is beneath no one regardless of what you do or what name you carry.

Let us do the work of self-discovery and know who we are and whose we belong too. Let us avoid identifying ourselves with the roles we play or whether we dress in corporate wear every day or spend the day in jeans and flip flops.

Finally,

As you seek to answer the question what is your identity? keep in mind that we all have the potential within us and that our potential is not defined by what the world holds us to be. Instead, I hope you find that our identity should be based on what God created us to be.

Let us not base our identities on title, position, name and so on. Instead, let us choose to be anchored on the one who has stood the test of time and is the same today, tomorrow and forever.

I encourage you to get yourself a copy of the book, The Expatriate Wife. It is an intriguing story that takes you on a journey of a dream that started when I was ten. I take you through the places we have called home in Tunis, Abidjan and now Johannesburg.